For MEN GOING THROUGH ITDIVORCE THERAPY FOR MEN IN FLORIDA
Everybody asked how she’s doing. Nobody asked you.
You've got the apartment. You've got the custody schedule on your phone. You handled the move, the account changes, the conversation with your kids, and you did it without falling apart in front of anyone.
Your friends asked once, early on. You said you were fine, they took you at your word, and the subject changed. That was months ago and nobody's brought it up since. Which is what you wanted, mostly.
Here's the part you probably haven't said out loud: you're not sure who you are when the kids aren't there. The apartment is quiet in a way that gets loud. And some nights you're angry about something that happened two years ago and you can't do anything with it.
Divorce therapy for men across Florida with Sayra Besner, LCSW. Based in Miami, Boca Raton office opening soon.
Why men usually get here later
THE TIMINGMost of the men I work with arrive about a year after they should have. Not because they're avoidant. Because there was no obvious moment to go. Nobody suggested it. Nobody asked twice. During the divorce you were busy being functional, and functional is what everyone reinforced.
Then something small goes wrong. A text from her lands harder than it should. You lose your temper with your kid over nothing and see your father's face doing it. You realize you haven't had a real conversation with anyone in four months.
That's usually the week people call me.
WHAT THIS ISNot sitting in silence while someone waits for you to have a feeling
We work on specific things, in an order.
Where you actually are
01
The patterns you brought in from your own family
Running whether or not you agreed to them.
02
What you actually want
A question most men haven't been asked since they were twenty.
03
Boundaries that hold up on a bad night
Then, and only then, what comes next.
04
I'm direct. I'll tell you when I think you're managing me instead of talking to me, and then we'll talk about that. I don't need you to cry. I need you to be honest, which is harder and more useful.
WHAT COMES UPWhat men usually bring in
During the divorce you had tasks. Documents, calls, decisions, a schedule to hold together, a face to keep on in front of your kids. There was no time to feel much, and that wasn't avoidance. That was competence, and it got you through.
Then it ends. The tasks run out. What's left is a quiet you haven't had in years, with nothing in it to manage.
THE ANGER YOU CANT PLACE
Not at anyone in particular, or at someone you can't say it to. It leaks out sideways, usually at work or at your kids.
BEING CAST AS THE VILLAIN
In her version, in the family's version, sometimes in your own head at 3 a.m. Whether or not it's accurate, you're living inside it.
DATING BADLY
Either not at all, or immediately and too much, and both are the same problem wearing different clothes.
NOT KNOWING YOUR KIDS THE WAY SHE DOES
You have them half the time now and you've realized how much of the day-to-day you were never carrying.
THE MONEY
What it costs, what you agreed to, and what it means for the next fifteen years.
THE OBVIOUS QUESTIONWhy a woman therapist
I'm a woman, I'm divorced, and I'm the one who left. That means I'm not going to be shocked by anything you say about your ex, and I'm also not going to agree with you automatically. You'll get an honest read, not a sympathetic one.
Most of my practice is women going through this, so I have a fairly clear picture of what's happening on the other side of your divorce. That turns out to be useful when you're trying to handle a co-parent you can't talk to.
I'm not a men's coach and I'm not going to tell you to lift more and text less. I'm a licensed clinical social worker who has been doing this since 2007.
STRAIGHT ANSWERSDivorce recovery therapy for men in Florida
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Getting on with it works for some things. It does nothing for patterns. If you're fine most days and slowly feeling better, you may not need me. If you're snapping at people who didn't earn it, or replaying the same argument months later, or noticing you've become someone you don't particularly like, that's not something you can outrun by staying busy.
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No, and most men who say that are describing a lack of practice, not a lack of ability. You don't have to arrive articulate. I ask questions, you answer them, and it turns out to be more of a conversation than a confession. If you hate it after one session, don't come back.
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I'll take an accurate view. Sometimes that means telling you that something you did contributed to where you are, and sometimes it means telling you that what you're describing isn't reasonable and you don't have to accept it. I'm not there to validate you and I'm not there to correct you.
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You start by getting clear on what you actually control, which is your response, your documentation, and the tone you set for your kids. Then we work on the specific exchanges that keep going badly. Most co-parenting conflict runs on predictable patterns, and once you can see the pattern you stop getting recruited into it every time.
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Yes. Sessions are virtual, they're an hour, and what you tell your kids is your call. That said, a lot of men eventually decide to say something, because a parent who takes their own mental health seriously is doing something useful for a teenager watching how adults handle hard things.
NOT JUST YOUThe divorce didn't only happen to you
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For your teenager, 14 and up
He says he's fine. He also stopped telling you about his week somewhere around the third month. I work with teens directly, and with parents on what to say before the hard conversations.
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For her
Not your responsibility, and also: what she's carrying shows up in the co-parenting. Her version of this year is on the site too, if you're ever curious what's on the other side of it.
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For the logistics of it
Two households, one calendar, and the handoffs that ruin a Wednesday. Sometimes that's the actual work.
15 minutesYou don't need a reason that sounds serious enough.
Fifteen minutes on a call. Tell me what's going on, ask whatever you want, and we'll both figure out if this is worth your time. If it isn't, I'll say so.
Virtual across Florida · Private pay, out of network, superbill available